David Cameron Uses 'Paul Scholes Excuse' Over AV Campaign Behaviour

In the face of mounting criticism over his AV campaigning behaviour, David Cameron has today lashed out at his critics, claiming 'I don't know what all the fuss is about? I'm a Tory, a Tory Prime Minister at that, and this is just what I do.'

Cameron has been accused of treachery, two faced lying, back stabbing and hypocrisy following claims that he campaigned heavily for the 'No to AV', despite having said he would take no such leading role against fellow coalition members. It has also been claimed that up to 90% of the 'No to AV' campaign budget was provided by the Conservative Party.

In his defense, David Cameron has cited the career of Manchester Untied football player Paul Scholes. Despite being widely, and rightly, lauded as one of the best midfield players of his generation, Scholes has had a fortunate knack of going around committing blatant, flagrant, dangerous fouls while rarely getting booked or sent off for it. In fact, rather than having his behaviour frowned upon, Scholes is comforted with the excuse of; "well, he just can't tackle very well, the cheeky little scamp, let him carry on as he is", before having his hair ruffled and then handed a pound to buy some pick 'n' mix on the way home.

Cameron, too, has claimed that as an Eton educated Tory Prime Minister, he should be forgiven his natural tendencies of a ruthless pursuit of total power; shameful, heartless back-stabbing of all those who stand in his way, and his complete and utter obeyance to Lucifer and his minions, the commanders of his eternal soul. In his own words, Cameron insisted, "if Scholesy can get away with a dark side and still be loved, then why can't I?"

Having dodged all questions without an actual answer, Cameron set set out for home at Downing Street. He told the gathered journalists that he had an agreement in place with his wife, Samantha, that if she cooked the dinner and did the ironing then he would let her watch Coronation Street. Whether or not Cameron sticks to his word and lets someone else have half an hour of happiness remains to be seen, but if he doesn't, we shouldn't be surprised anymore.