Ext. A teenage girl is walking down the street in a casual manner. A man approaches her who is evidently in a hurry.
Man: Excuse me, do you happen to have the time at all? I think I’m running late for a meeting.
The young lady’s face lights up with excitement. She looks absolutely delighted.
Girl: (loud and exaggerated) OH MY GODDD YOU’RE SO POSH.
The man looks bemused and is momentarily lost for words. But he eventually continues.
Man: I don’t really understand what you’re talking about, but it’s not important, do you have the time please?
The young lady starts to laugh and is simply beside herself with joy.
Girl: YOU’RE SO POSH, GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW POSH YOU ARE; LET ME PHONE CHANTELLE AND YOU CAN SPEAK DOWN THE PHONE TO HER.
The man immediately loses patience.
Man: It’s OK don’t worry about it.
He walks away. The young lady reflects on the situation immediately, still with a beaming smile.
Girl: Awww, he was so posh. What a gimp.
She carries on walking.
Monday 28 February 2011
Friday 25 February 2011
Man in little white pants: Swingers' Club
This time the man in little white pants visits a swingers' club. Will get lucky? Probably not.
Int. In a large dining room in a house. People are gathered around a table in pairs, clad only in their underwear. The man at the head of the dining table stands up to address them all.
Man: OK then (claps hands), I think that’s everybody sorted, now you’re free to go off and..... do your thing.
Everybody vacates the table in male and female pairs, holding hands and looking excited. However, one man is left sitting on his own in his little white pants. He looks slightly disappointed. The man at the head of the table turns to him.
Man: I’m really sorry for this to happen on your first time with us, but we hardly ever get odd numbers, and, quite frankly, no one was particularly keen on sleeping with you tonight. So, no one is that disappointed, well, except for you. It’s quite embarrassing obviously. I mean, you would think coming to a swingers party would be guaranteed sex, wouldn’t you? Or at least a hand job, right? Oh well, these things happen, but don’t let it put you off, eh?
The man looks behind him at a woman who is waiting patiently for him. She smiles and beckons him over.
Man: Right, well, I should be off then. Someone actually chose me, so, erm...see you later.
The man walks away from the table with the woman. The man in his pants sits momentarily before leaving the table. He puts his shoes on and heads for the door.
Int. In a large dining room in a house. People are gathered around a table in pairs, clad only in their underwear. The man at the head of the dining table stands up to address them all.
Man: OK then (claps hands), I think that’s everybody sorted, now you’re free to go off and..... do your thing.
Everybody vacates the table in male and female pairs, holding hands and looking excited. However, one man is left sitting on his own in his little white pants. He looks slightly disappointed. The man at the head of the table turns to him.
Man: I’m really sorry for this to happen on your first time with us, but we hardly ever get odd numbers, and, quite frankly, no one was particularly keen on sleeping with you tonight. So, no one is that disappointed, well, except for you. It’s quite embarrassing obviously. I mean, you would think coming to a swingers party would be guaranteed sex, wouldn’t you? Or at least a hand job, right? Oh well, these things happen, but don’t let it put you off, eh?
The man looks behind him at a woman who is waiting patiently for him. She smiles and beckons him over.
Man: Right, well, I should be off then. Someone actually chose me, so, erm...see you later.
The man walks away from the table with the woman. The man in his pants sits momentarily before leaving the table. He puts his shoes on and heads for the door.
Wednesday 23 February 2011
Colonel Gaddafi refuses to quit epic game of Risk
Colonel Gaddafi is refusing to quit a mammoth game of Risk that has lasted nearly five days despite having none of his army left.
Gaddafi has been labelled a "sore loser" and "not knowing when to quit" by his fellow Risk players which include all the world leaders, after having most of his empire conquered.
David Cameron, who went out early in the game after making dramatic cuts to his army, commented on the escalating situation, "During the board game Risk, there's a certain etiquette that has to be upheld. If you're close to getting beaten then you leave the game and admit defeat."
"However, Gaddafi has defied this etiquette on numerous occassions and if anything is stopping the game from progressing by refusing to quit. I even caught him trying to cheat!"
It has been reported that during the game Gaddafi, when pressed by fellow players to quit, went into 30 minute long monologues about how everyone will burn in hell for forcing him to quit and that he would rather "become a martyr" and die than leave the game.
Barack Obama, who is still in the game, said, "I can't believe that fool has refused to quit. He only had control of Australia and he lost that continent two days ago. Since then he's been living on borrowed time."
Even Berlusconi, who had control of Africa, has left the game after he thought he saw an attractive lady outside, which turned out to be a tree.
Gaddafi has continued his incoherent ramblings about refusing to quit Risk this evening. In a statement he said, "I will never quit! I can't believe this stupid game! Even Sarah Palin is ahead of me and she thinks all of the continents are made-up names!"
Gaddafi has been labelled a "sore loser" and "not knowing when to quit" by his fellow Risk players which include all the world leaders, after having most of his empire conquered.
David Cameron, who went out early in the game after making dramatic cuts to his army, commented on the escalating situation, "During the board game Risk, there's a certain etiquette that has to be upheld. If you're close to getting beaten then you leave the game and admit defeat."
"However, Gaddafi has defied this etiquette on numerous occassions and if anything is stopping the game from progressing by refusing to quit. I even caught him trying to cheat!"
It has been reported that during the game Gaddafi, when pressed by fellow players to quit, went into 30 minute long monologues about how everyone will burn in hell for forcing him to quit and that he would rather "become a martyr" and die than leave the game.
Barack Obama, who is still in the game, said, "I can't believe that fool has refused to quit. He only had control of Australia and he lost that continent two days ago. Since then he's been living on borrowed time."
Even Berlusconi, who had control of Africa, has left the game after he thought he saw an attractive lady outside, which turned out to be a tree.
Gaddafi has continued his incoherent ramblings about refusing to quit Risk this evening. In a statement he said, "I will never quit! I can't believe this stupid game! Even Sarah Palin is ahead of me and she thinks all of the continents are made-up names!"
Tuesday 22 February 2011
Alternative film endings: Never Say Never
Justin Bieber cockily winks at a 20 plus year old woman in the crowd during a live performance. A loose light falls from above the stage and kills him. Quite a lot of teenage girls weep, but everyone else is happy.
End credits.
End credits.
Monday 21 February 2011
Berlusconi to launch Italian Mutant Dirty Perverts
Ladies man Silvio Berlusconi is set to launch a new super group called "Italian Mutant Dirty Perverts" for older men that have been accused of sleeping with prostitutes or escort girls.
The new super group, based on the popular children's cartoon programme "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles", has already began recruiting following fresh allegations that Mr Berlusconi slept with an underage prostitute.
Like the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles", the "Italian Mutant Dirty Perverts" fight a common enemy, but rather than battling the evil Shredder or Krang, they instead fight liberal Italians, including the press, and feminists.
The new group even has a catchphrase based on the old cartoon series, instead of saying "Cowabunga", Berlusconi's crew says "Cowa bunga bunga", making reference to the infamous sex parties held by the Italian Prime Minister.
In a statement to the press, Berlusconi said, "I hava hada enough of youra disrespect. I ama forming a new super group for all my super cool friends where we can hava a gooda time with no-one sticking their noses in our business."
"I ama recruiting new people all the time and will be asking none of you to join, you liberal mother fuckers."
So far Berlusconi has invited other dirty old men to join his group, which includes UEFA boss Michel Platini and Head of FIFA Sepp Blatter. However, both have rejected the invitation as according to them "any respectable organisation charges at least £176 for entry."
The new super group, based on the popular children's cartoon programme "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles", has already began recruiting following fresh allegations that Mr Berlusconi slept with an underage prostitute.
Like the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles", the "Italian Mutant Dirty Perverts" fight a common enemy, but rather than battling the evil Shredder or Krang, they instead fight liberal Italians, including the press, and feminists.
The new group even has a catchphrase based on the old cartoon series, instead of saying "Cowabunga", Berlusconi's crew says "Cowa bunga bunga", making reference to the infamous sex parties held by the Italian Prime Minister.
In a statement to the press, Berlusconi said, "I hava hada enough of youra disrespect. I ama forming a new super group for all my super cool friends where we can hava a gooda time with no-one sticking their noses in our business."
"I ama recruiting new people all the time and will be asking none of you to join, you liberal mother fuckers."
So far Berlusconi has invited other dirty old men to join his group, which includes UEFA boss Michel Platini and Head of FIFA Sepp Blatter. However, both have rejected the invitation as according to them "any respectable organisation charges at least £176 for entry."
Saturday 19 February 2011
George Osborne to take Viagra to sort out growth
In a last ditch attempt to salvage the economy, Chancellor George Osborne is set to take Viagra to try and stimulate growth.
This announcement comes after it was revealed by Osborne that he "doesn't know what else to do."
At the beginning of 2010, it seemed as though the economy was achieving steady but not full growth, in what was labelled as Steady Economical Monetary Increase, or a SEMI for short.
However, since the Coalition government came into power in May, George Osborne has been trying various quick fix schemes that he thought would sort out growth, but has instead left it lifeless and limp, in what has been labelled by commentators as Failing Linear Anecdotal Coalition Currency Increase Disaster or FLACCID for short.
This has frustrated Osborne who can't put explain why he still fails to achieve or maintain full growth. However, the Chancellor believes taking Viagra will sort out this growth problem.
Speaking at a press conference, he said, "I've heard that Viagra can sort out growth problems, so thought this would be the ideal solution to deal with the stumbling economy we inherited from the previous Labour government."
"Under the new Viagra economic legislation, I will take four Viagra pills a day, which will hopefully kick-start the economy. In fact I've taken some pills this morning, already starting the drive for growth."
George Osborne was then asked to stand for a photograph, but responded sheepishly to this question saying he needed to sit down for the next half an hour to "compose his thoughts."
This announcement comes after it was revealed by Osborne that he "doesn't know what else to do."
At the beginning of 2010, it seemed as though the economy was achieving steady but not full growth, in what was labelled as Steady Economical Monetary Increase, or a SEMI for short.
However, since the Coalition government came into power in May, George Osborne has been trying various quick fix schemes that he thought would sort out growth, but has instead left it lifeless and limp, in what has been labelled by commentators as Failing Linear Anecdotal Coalition Currency Increase Disaster or FLACCID for short.
This has frustrated Osborne who can't put explain why he still fails to achieve or maintain full growth. However, the Chancellor believes taking Viagra will sort out this growth problem.
Speaking at a press conference, he said, "I've heard that Viagra can sort out growth problems, so thought this would be the ideal solution to deal with the stumbling economy we inherited from the previous Labour government."
"Under the new Viagra economic legislation, I will take four Viagra pills a day, which will hopefully kick-start the economy. In fact I've taken some pills this morning, already starting the drive for growth."
George Osborne was then asked to stand for a photograph, but responded sheepishly to this question saying he needed to sit down for the next half an hour to "compose his thoughts."
Thursday 17 February 2011
Nick Clegg too busy doing Cameron's chores to participate in Big Society
In a radio interview Nick Clegg has exclusively revealed that he will not take part in David Cameron's Big Society as he's "too busy" doing the Prime Minister's chores.
As well as undertaking his duties as Deputy Prime Minister and leader of the Liberal Democrats, Nick Clegg also does David Cameron's chores, which includes polishing his shoes, sweeping his chimney, hoovering the house, cleaning the toilet, walking the dog, tidying the bedroom and counting his money.
The sheer scale of chores has led to Mr Clegg telling staff and colleagues not to give him work past three in the afternoon, as he has to leave the office to pick up David Cameron's children from school.
Speaking about the Big Society Nick Clegg said, "I'm just too busy at the moment to take part. David has me rushing around doing all of his chores around the house and I just don't have the time."
"I promised my children that I would take them to the park before the general election last year but that still hasn't happened because I haven't had the time. What can I say, I'm not very good at keeping my promises."
This latest revelation comes after it was revealed that David Cameron was not happy with Nick Clegg after he missed a spot.
As well as undertaking his duties as Deputy Prime Minister and leader of the Liberal Democrats, Nick Clegg also does David Cameron's chores, which includes polishing his shoes, sweeping his chimney, hoovering the house, cleaning the toilet, walking the dog, tidying the bedroom and counting his money.
The sheer scale of chores has led to Mr Clegg telling staff and colleagues not to give him work past three in the afternoon, as he has to leave the office to pick up David Cameron's children from school.
Speaking about the Big Society Nick Clegg said, "I'm just too busy at the moment to take part. David has me rushing around doing all of his chores around the house and I just don't have the time."
"I promised my children that I would take them to the park before the general election last year but that still hasn't happened because I haven't had the time. What can I say, I'm not very good at keeping my promises."
This latest revelation comes after it was revealed that David Cameron was not happy with Nick Clegg after he missed a spot.
Wednesday 16 February 2011
Inflation "not that bad", claims Osborne
Chancellor George Osborne has sensationally claimed that inflation "isn't that bad."
These claims were made after figures revealed inflation in the UK would rise sharply in the next year following a statement from the Bank of England.
George Osborne was quick to defend inflation and the thought of millions of Britons wielding useless money around in wheelbarrows.
Osborne said, "Me and my chums used to put all our money in wheelbarrows and walk around campus all the time when we were in the Bullingdon Club. This was mainly to show how rich we are and to impress the ladies."
Then, showing his limited grasp of the economy, Osborne later claimed, "Increased inflation will mean that people have more money and will be able to show it off in their wheelbarrows."
David Cameron has since stated that George Osborne's claims are embarrassing and untrue, "When we were in the Bullingdon Club, we used to wield our money around in briefcases, not wheelbarrows."
These claims were made after figures revealed inflation in the UK would rise sharply in the next year following a statement from the Bank of England.
George Osborne was quick to defend inflation and the thought of millions of Britons wielding useless money around in wheelbarrows.
Osborne said, "Me and my chums used to put all our money in wheelbarrows and walk around campus all the time when we were in the Bullingdon Club. This was mainly to show how rich we are and to impress the ladies."
Then, showing his limited grasp of the economy, Osborne later claimed, "Increased inflation will mean that people have more money and will be able to show it off in their wheelbarrows."
David Cameron has since stated that George Osborne's claims are embarrassing and untrue, "When we were in the Bullingdon Club, we used to wield our money around in briefcases, not wheelbarrows."
Sunday 13 February 2011
JLS to try and sell David Cameron's Big Society
Destroyer of music JLS have been asked by David Cameron to try and sell his failing Big Society.
JLS were asked by the Prime Minister to sell the idea as the past few years have shown that the boyband will sell anything and, like the Big Society, is a load of manufactured rubbish.
David Cameron or Big C, as he has now asked to be known to appeal to younger voters, called JLS "the hippest boy band around" and the perfect advocates of his grand vision.
The government has faced criticism for cutting key public services while encouraging people to volunteer for nothing as part of Big Society plans.
One of the services being cut under Coalition plans is public toilets, however, JLS have responded to these controversial plans by changing the lyrics to their hit song "Everybody in Love".
In a Big Society promotion video, the band sing "Everybody get up, and clean that piss up, everybody get up, so what are you gonna to do, I'm gonna get up and clean that poo" before ripping off their tops and letting random girls smear shit all over their six packs.
The promotional video was shown at the Big Society re-launch by David Cameron who swapped his usual suit attire for the classic JLS look which included crotch-drop jeans, top hat, t-shirt with the v-neck as far down the chest without revealing the nipples, fingerless gloves and a waistcoat.
After speaking about his future plans for the Big Society, which was once again as vague as humanly possible, the Prime Minister drew no reaction from the audience. So following advice from JLS, decided to lift up his t-shirt to reveal his bare stomach.
However, this once again drew no reaction, apart from closest homosexual William Hague.
JLS were asked by the Prime Minister to sell the idea as the past few years have shown that the boyband will sell anything and, like the Big Society, is a load of manufactured rubbish.
David Cameron or Big C, as he has now asked to be known to appeal to younger voters, called JLS "the hippest boy band around" and the perfect advocates of his grand vision.
The government has faced criticism for cutting key public services while encouraging people to volunteer for nothing as part of Big Society plans.
One of the services being cut under Coalition plans is public toilets, however, JLS have responded to these controversial plans by changing the lyrics to their hit song "Everybody in Love".
In a Big Society promotion video, the band sing "Everybody get up, and clean that piss up, everybody get up, so what are you gonna to do, I'm gonna get up and clean that poo" before ripping off their tops and letting random girls smear shit all over their six packs.
The promotional video was shown at the Big Society re-launch by David Cameron who swapped his usual suit attire for the classic JLS look which included crotch-drop jeans, top hat, t-shirt with the v-neck as far down the chest without revealing the nipples, fingerless gloves and a waistcoat.
After speaking about his future plans for the Big Society, which was once again as vague as humanly possible, the Prime Minister drew no reaction from the audience. So following advice from JLS, decided to lift up his t-shirt to reveal his bare stomach.
However, this once again drew no reaction, apart from closest homosexual William Hague.
Millions of masturbating men left frustrated by the Black Swan
Despite the success of the Black Swan at the box office, it has been exclusively revealed that millions of men have been left frustrated by what masturbating film critics are calling "a complete and utter cock tease."
Millions of men, expecting to see an intense lesbian sex scene, were dismayed at various random images of scary women appearing throughout it.
One man said, "I heard about the lesbian sex scene between Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman and thought Black Swan would be right up my street, but the whole film frustrated me throughout."
"Just as I was getting into the scene, a random woman in the kitchen appeared that scared the shit out of me. I could barely get a semi."
Others commented on the film claiming it had ruined their sex lives and left them mentally disturbed.
David Master Bates said, "After seeing the film I was trying to have sex with my girlfriend, but I just couldn't. I kept thinking she would turn into a fucking black swan!"
"I then tried having a wank later that day to see if I could sort out the problem, but I just couldn't do it! I kept turning around to see if my mum was asleep on the chair."
Mr Skin, which archives millions of nude actresses, has responded to the public anger towards the Black Swan with the following statement:
"If you're looking to pleasure yourself during the Black Swan then don't bother. We have tried to edit the perfect masturbating scene from the film, but there's just too much weird shit going on. If you want to get off watching a film, go and see the King's Speech - Helena Bonham Carter is quite fit as the Queen Mum."
Millions of men, expecting to see an intense lesbian sex scene, were dismayed at various random images of scary women appearing throughout it.
One man said, "I heard about the lesbian sex scene between Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman and thought Black Swan would be right up my street, but the whole film frustrated me throughout."
"Just as I was getting into the scene, a random woman in the kitchen appeared that scared the shit out of me. I could barely get a semi."
Others commented on the film claiming it had ruined their sex lives and left them mentally disturbed.
David Master Bates said, "After seeing the film I was trying to have sex with my girlfriend, but I just couldn't. I kept thinking she would turn into a fucking black swan!"
"I then tried having a wank later that day to see if I could sort out the problem, but I just couldn't do it! I kept turning around to see if my mum was asleep on the chair."
Mr Skin, which archives millions of nude actresses, has responded to the public anger towards the Black Swan with the following statement:
"If you're looking to pleasure yourself during the Black Swan then don't bother. We have tried to edit the perfect masturbating scene from the film, but there's just too much weird shit going on. If you want to get off watching a film, go and see the King's Speech - Helena Bonham Carter is quite fit as the Queen Mum."
Thursday 10 February 2011
George Osborne strikes deal with wank bank
Chancellor George Osborne has agreed a deal with the wank bank that will force them to start lending again.
The wank bank had refused to lend back sexual and arousing images that men had stored leading to very tense siuations.
The news will be a welcome relief to men that had numerous images stored in the wank bank but were unable to use them, with many having to rely on internet pornography due to the lack of lending.
The wank bank works by allowing men to transfer sexual images of the opposite sex into the system. It then lends back the images when required at a later date. However, during the economic downturn lending has come to a standstill.
George Osborne said, "I like many others had previously relied on the wank bank to get me through difficult and tiresome days. However, since the economic crisis, the wank bank has refused to lend, leaving many men angry, frustrated and constantly on edge."
"I believe this deal will signal the start of a fairer banking system, which allows increased lending and increased wanking."
However, many still believe the move doesn't go fair enough, with some arguing that bankers are wanking away to their saved images all the time, but not allowing others to take part in similar activities.
One person said, "The wanker bankers are constantly wanking away to everything we've saved, but I still feel incredibly restrictive, often wanking only once, maybe twice a month because of the limitations on my wank bank account."
Public dismay is likely to increase as the wank bank announces big wank bonuses, despite millions of lost customer images that bankers wanked away to in 2010.
The wank bank had refused to lend back sexual and arousing images that men had stored leading to very tense siuations.
The news will be a welcome relief to men that had numerous images stored in the wank bank but were unable to use them, with many having to rely on internet pornography due to the lack of lending.
The wank bank works by allowing men to transfer sexual images of the opposite sex into the system. It then lends back the images when required at a later date. However, during the economic downturn lending has come to a standstill.
George Osborne said, "I like many others had previously relied on the wank bank to get me through difficult and tiresome days. However, since the economic crisis, the wank bank has refused to lend, leaving many men angry, frustrated and constantly on edge."
"I believe this deal will signal the start of a fairer banking system, which allows increased lending and increased wanking."
However, many still believe the move doesn't go fair enough, with some arguing that bankers are wanking away to their saved images all the time, but not allowing others to take part in similar activities.
One person said, "The wanker bankers are constantly wanking away to everything we've saved, but I still feel incredibly restrictive, often wanking only once, maybe twice a month because of the limitations on my wank bank account."
Public dismay is likely to increase as the wank bank announces big wank bonuses, despite millions of lost customer images that bankers wanked away to in 2010.
Wednesday 9 February 2011
Alternative film endings: Transformers
Optimus Prime tries to hump Megan Fox. She gets a restraining order against Optimus not allowing him to be within five feet of her.
Michael Bay blows something up.
End credits.
Michael Bay blows something up.
End credits.
Tuesday 8 February 2011
Alternative film endings: The Truman Show
Truman finds out that his whole life has been one big reality TV show.
Instead of going travelling around the world, Truman takes part in more reality TV shows which includes I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, The Farm, Dancing On Ice, Strictly Come Dancing, Big Brother, Tool Academy, The Hills, Truman Knows Best and Wife Swap.
Truman goes down the same path as Kerry Katona and becomes a crack-whore.
End credits.
Instead of going travelling around the world, Truman takes part in more reality TV shows which includes I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, The Farm, Dancing On Ice, Strictly Come Dancing, Big Brother, Tool Academy, The Hills, Truman Knows Best and Wife Swap.
Truman goes down the same path as Kerry Katona and becomes a crack-whore.
End credits.
Alternative film endings: Sex and the City
The four women are talking about cock in a restaurant in New York.
A meteorite suddenly hits the restaurant and kills all four of them.
End credits.
A meteorite suddenly hits the restaurant and kills all four of them.
End credits.
Monday 7 February 2011
Alternative film endings: Blood Diamond
Solomon Vandy is about to head for freedom with the blood diamond. Suddenly Naomi Campbell comes from no-where and hits him with her hand-bag, knocking him out cold.
Ms Campbell grabs the blood diamond and catches her private jet back to Britain. Solomon Vandy is murdered by a group of child soldiers.
End credits.
Ms Campbell grabs the blood diamond and catches her private jet back to Britain. Solomon Vandy is murdered by a group of child soldiers.
End credits.
Saturday 5 February 2011
Alternative film endings: Batman: The Dark Knight
When The Joker is in jail, instead of orchestrating a fiendish plot to escape, he overdoses on drugs and dies.
Gotham City is saved from mindless destruction. Bruce Wayne then decides to fire Albert and Lucius because he has nothing for them to do.
End credits.
Gotham City is saved from mindless destruction. Bruce Wayne then decides to fire Albert and Lucius because he has nothing for them to do.
End credits.
Thursday 3 February 2011
Alternative film endings: The Social Network
Mark Zuckerberg invents MySpace instead of Facebook.
It goes well for a few years, but then no-one cares about it anymore.
Facebook makes millions. Mark Zuckerberg kills himself.
End credits.
It goes well for a few years, but then no-one cares about it anymore.
Facebook makes millions. Mark Zuckerberg kills himself.
End credits.
I'm Not Enjoying This: Facebook page
To our loyal INET followers (all 4 of you), we now have a Facebook page here.
Wednesday 2 February 2011
Alternative film endings: Braveheart
Mel Gibson and his Scottish troops are about to beat the English, until he realises that the English aren't the ones they should be fighting - it's the Jews.
Mel Gibson and his Scottish troops stop the war with the English and go to hunt down some Jews.
End credits.
Mel Gibson and his Scottish troops stop the war with the English and go to hunt down some Jews.
End credits.
Alternative film endings: The King's Speech
Colin Firth stutters constantly throughout his speech delivered to the whole of the UK - an entire nation gets disheartened by this and morale leading into World War Two is at an all time low.
UK lose the war to the Germans.
70 years on, we're all speaking German.
End credits.
UK lose the war to the Germans.
70 years on, we're all speaking German.
End credits.
Tuesday 1 February 2011
Alternative film endings: Muppet Christmas Carol
Michael Caine, after being visited by the three Christmas ghosts the night before, heads to Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy's house with turkey in hand.
He knocks on the door of the house ready to hand the turkey over to the family. Michael Caine then has an epiphany, "It's the recession and Ms Piggy's a bitch, why am I being so generous?!"
Kermit the Frog answers the door with a smile on his face as he sees the turkey. Michael Caine then tells Kermit to go fuck himself and walks away.
End credits.
He knocks on the door of the house ready to hand the turkey over to the family. Michael Caine then has an epiphany, "It's the recession and Ms Piggy's a bitch, why am I being so generous?!"
Kermit the Frog answers the door with a smile on his face as he sees the turkey. Michael Caine then tells Kermit to go fuck himself and walks away.
End credits.
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