Ext. A suburban street. Two middle class men are going door to door, in smart suits and with slick hair. They walk down the short garden path towards one house. One of them pulls out a handkerchief and pushes the doorbell while covering his finger, all the while pulling a disgusted face. They both laugh together. An old lady answers the door and greets them.
Henry: Hello there Madame, my name is Henry and this is my good friend Thomas, and we represent the charity WEHELPWANKERS (shows business card).
Thomas: Yes that’s right, Madame, we are here to ask for your help for some very needy individuals. You see, Madame, my friend Henry and I work in the city, the City of London that is, in case you didn't know, but we have fallen on particularly hard times.
Henry: Indeed we have. We have been denied our bonus this year because we rather cheekily lost millions of innocent customers all of their money through reckless business decisions, or some such. I don't really know what it is we did wrong to be honest, I don't even think we did anything wrong, but either way, we aren't getting quite as much money as we thought we would.
Thomas: This is a very serious situation, Madame, because Henry and I have a very expensive cocaine habit to maintain, as well eating at award winning restaurants and drinking bottle after bottle of fine, imported port at numerous swanky bars in Soho before buying our way out of trouble after battering a stripper or two.
Henry: Not to mention our four day "business" trip to Thailand where we plan to lock ourselves in a hotel room with 200 bottles of champagne, 5 hookers, 5 ladyboys, 20 ounces of coke and just enough crack to see us through without overdosing, you know how it is I'm sure, Madame.
Thomas: As it stands this trip will just have to be charged to the company, but we know everyone is a bit on edge at the moment for some reason, so we are trying to raise funds for it ourselves, so if you could give generously we would appreciate it greatly.
The old lady disappears briefly and returns with a £5 note and hands it over.
Lady: I'm terribly sorry, but that's all I have at the moment, I don't get my pension until Wednesday.
The two men look at each other in disgust.
Henry: Is this all you've got?
Lady: Why, yes!
Henry: Fuck this, I told you this street was too poor, come on let's try another.
The £5 note is thrown down to the floor in disgust and they both walk away, kicking at flowers and flower pots in the garden on the way. They both start to giggle and push at each other and then down the street together.
Monday 28 March 2011
Sunday 27 March 2011
Unhappiness To Be Classed As A Disease
In a surprise move, The British Medical Association has today classified Unhappiness as a disease. This move makes Unhappiness the biggest danger to human life across the globe, except for areas effected by drought, famine and the onslaught of natural disasters, as those people have real problems to worry about.
The BMA has outlined a number of the symptoms of Unhappiness, and has urged the public to be vigilant and observant to help prevent any related deaths. The most common symptom is huffing or sighing dramatically in order to draw attention to oneself. Furthermore, when the attention of a bystander is gained, if they are to ask 'what's the matter?', a deeply unhappy person will say 'nothing, I'm fine', before sighing again, in an even more dramatic fashion.
Such actions should be treated immediately. In this sort of severe case an ambulance should be called for without delay. However, other such symptoms that would only require a rush to A & E include slamming objects down on hard surfaces and then looking around to see if anyone is looking (this action can be repeated many times until someone asks if 'everything is all right'), doodling, pouting, sitting in a darkened room listening to dubstep, looking out of windows in a wistful manner and walking very slowly through a room full of people with hunched shoulders and a pout..while sighing repeatedly...until someone asks if 'everything is all right?'
Thankfully, though, asking that very question is Phase One of the treatment for Unhappiness. The full title of the treatment is 'Attention', taken from the Latin term 'please shower me with love and praise because something didn't go my way and now I'm sad - I've got a knife.' When any of the aforementioned symptoms are noted, any member of the public can approach the unhappy looking individual and then just shower them with attention, boost their ego and then be on their way, leaving the once unhappy person to think 'why the hell was I so upset about something so small, petty and insignificant for? Why am I such an attention seeking dick?'
The BMA has outlined a number of the symptoms of Unhappiness, and has urged the public to be vigilant and observant to help prevent any related deaths. The most common symptom is huffing or sighing dramatically in order to draw attention to oneself. Furthermore, when the attention of a bystander is gained, if they are to ask 'what's the matter?', a deeply unhappy person will say 'nothing, I'm fine', before sighing again, in an even more dramatic fashion.
Such actions should be treated immediately. In this sort of severe case an ambulance should be called for without delay. However, other such symptoms that would only require a rush to A & E include slamming objects down on hard surfaces and then looking around to see if anyone is looking (this action can be repeated many times until someone asks if 'everything is all right'), doodling, pouting, sitting in a darkened room listening to dubstep, looking out of windows in a wistful manner and walking very slowly through a room full of people with hunched shoulders and a pout..while sighing repeatedly...until someone asks if 'everything is all right?'
Thankfully, though, asking that very question is Phase One of the treatment for Unhappiness. The full title of the treatment is 'Attention', taken from the Latin term 'please shower me with love and praise because something didn't go my way and now I'm sad - I've got a knife.' When any of the aforementioned symptoms are noted, any member of the public can approach the unhappy looking individual and then just shower them with attention, boost their ego and then be on their way, leaving the once unhappy person to think 'why the hell was I so upset about something so small, petty and insignificant for? Why am I such an attention seeking dick?'
Saturday 26 March 2011
Research shows anarchists would not last one second in anarchy
New research done by Anarchist Research in Social Evolution (ARSE) has exclusively revealed that anarchists would not last if anarchy took over the UK.
The research commissioned by ARSE showed that, if anarchy did take over the country, the lawlessness and disorder that comes with it would mean that anarchists would be swiftly eradicated.
Looking at the findings in greater depth it appears that under anarchy things that the anarchists use regularly in their fight for "greater freedom" would be useless. Unfortunately for them cans of spray paint and smoke bombs would be no match for automatic weapons used by others to defend themselves in the state of lawlessness and disorder.
Moreover all the windows of buildings would be smashed in the anarchist revolution so they wouldn't have anything to do. Also under the reign of anarchy the internet would be down, therefore the anarchists wouldn't have anyway to communicate their meetings or plans for world domination.
A researcher on the ARSE study said, "Anarchists want anarchy but unfortunately if this did happen they would be fucked. Others would find better weapons and probably kill them in a state of panic and fear."
"However, more importantly, anarchists would have nothing to fight against under the reign of anarchy and their purpose in life would therefore be more meaningless than it was before. According to our research, this would eventually lead to them fighting against each other, probably chucking their own faeces at each other when their gay little paint and smoke bombs run out."
"Basically anarchists are pussies, so if lawlessness did break out, other groups of people, who are a lot harder and have more to live for, would step up and fuck them over. Overall, anarchists should be happy living in a democracy where they make their voice heard once in a while by smashing a few windows and spraying graffiti, but ultimately don't get annihilated like they would do in anarchy."
The research commissioned by ARSE showed that, if anarchy did take over the country, the lawlessness and disorder that comes with it would mean that anarchists would be swiftly eradicated.
Looking at the findings in greater depth it appears that under anarchy things that the anarchists use regularly in their fight for "greater freedom" would be useless. Unfortunately for them cans of spray paint and smoke bombs would be no match for automatic weapons used by others to defend themselves in the state of lawlessness and disorder.
Moreover all the windows of buildings would be smashed in the anarchist revolution so they wouldn't have anything to do. Also under the reign of anarchy the internet would be down, therefore the anarchists wouldn't have anyway to communicate their meetings or plans for world domination.
A researcher on the ARSE study said, "Anarchists want anarchy but unfortunately if this did happen they would be fucked. Others would find better weapons and probably kill them in a state of panic and fear."
"However, more importantly, anarchists would have nothing to fight against under the reign of anarchy and their purpose in life would therefore be more meaningless than it was before. According to our research, this would eventually lead to them fighting against each other, probably chucking their own faeces at each other when their gay little paint and smoke bombs run out."
"Basically anarchists are pussies, so if lawlessness did break out, other groups of people, who are a lot harder and have more to live for, would step up and fuck them over. Overall, anarchists should be happy living in a democracy where they make their voice heard once in a while by smashing a few windows and spraying graffiti, but ultimately don't get annihilated like they would do in anarchy."
Wednesday 23 March 2011
Osborne to cut Fridays after Rebecca Black song
Chancellor George Osborne has revealed that he will be axing Fridays after listening to the song "Friday" by Rebecca Black.
The song has evoked the Chancellor's anger after Ken Clarke showed him the video on YouTube.
After listening to the song, which includes lyrics making reference to the decision making process behind choosing the front or back seat of a car, Osborne vowed to cut Fridays.
Sources close to the Chancellor said, "George thought Fridays were a great part of the week that millions of Britons look forward to on a regular basis. However, after listening to Rebecca Black's song he feels a strong anger towards Fridays and wants them cut immediately."
The plan to cut Friday is likely to lead to anger from the public, but Osborne has urged them to listen to the song "Friday" so they can understand his decision.
In a statement George Osborne said, "I love Fridays, but after listening to that song by Rebecca Black I just have a really strong feeling to punch Friday in the face."
He continued, "I don't care what she does on a Friday. I don't know why 13 year olds are driving a car. I don't "know it" even though she says I do. I don't know why a rapper appeared from nowhere during the song. I fucking hate it!"
In further news a recent poll has revealed that Rebecca Black is now as popular as Colonel Gaddafi.
The song has evoked the Chancellor's anger after Ken Clarke showed him the video on YouTube.
After listening to the song, which includes lyrics making reference to the decision making process behind choosing the front or back seat of a car, Osborne vowed to cut Fridays.
Sources close to the Chancellor said, "George thought Fridays were a great part of the week that millions of Britons look forward to on a regular basis. However, after listening to Rebecca Black's song he feels a strong anger towards Fridays and wants them cut immediately."
The plan to cut Friday is likely to lead to anger from the public, but Osborne has urged them to listen to the song "Friday" so they can understand his decision.
In a statement George Osborne said, "I love Fridays, but after listening to that song by Rebecca Black I just have a really strong feeling to punch Friday in the face."
He continued, "I don't care what she does on a Friday. I don't know why 13 year olds are driving a car. I don't "know it" even though she says I do. I don't know why a rapper appeared from nowhere during the song. I fucking hate it!"
In further news a recent poll has revealed that Rebecca Black is now as popular as Colonel Gaddafi.
Tuesday 22 March 2011
High suicide rates linked to OMG! With Peaches Geldof
The recent high number of suicides has been linked to the abysmal television show OMG! With Peaches Geldof.
It has been reported that over 100 people have watched the show and then committed suicide as a result.
The show is so bad that one person gouged their eyes out before trying to stab themselves with the TV remote. Another suicide incident involved a person who couldn't change the channel so decided to put his head through the TV.
Most suicide cases were people that happened to tune into the show, but there's also been a small case of suicides among wannabe TV presenters who can't believe that someone as untalented and awful as Peaches Geldof has her own show.
Before killing herself, one person put on Facebook, "How can she get her own show! I've been slaving away for years and this untalented waste of space gets her own show for being the daughter of someone famous. Why is life so shit?! Goodbye cruel world."
ITV have responded by saying that they will look into the high rates of suicides and promised to try and make Peaches Geldof not seem like such an awful person.
However, a recent poll by the Radio Times has shown that the majority of people think OMG! With Peaches Geldof is worse than AIDS.
It has been reported that over 100 people have watched the show and then committed suicide as a result.
The show is so bad that one person gouged their eyes out before trying to stab themselves with the TV remote. Another suicide incident involved a person who couldn't change the channel so decided to put his head through the TV.
Most suicide cases were people that happened to tune into the show, but there's also been a small case of suicides among wannabe TV presenters who can't believe that someone as untalented and awful as Peaches Geldof has her own show.
Before killing herself, one person put on Facebook, "How can she get her own show! I've been slaving away for years and this untalented waste of space gets her own show for being the daughter of someone famous. Why is life so shit?! Goodbye cruel world."
ITV have responded by saying that they will look into the high rates of suicides and promised to try and make Peaches Geldof not seem like such an awful person.
However, a recent poll by the Radio Times has shown that the majority of people think OMG! With Peaches Geldof is worse than AIDS.
Monday 14 March 2011
Blatter, Platini and Gaddafi launch MAD
Mental old men Blatter, Platter and Gaddafi are set to launch a new group called the Mental Arrogant Dictators or MAD for short.
The group was the brainchild of Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini who found it difficult to accept the lack of corruption and irrational decision making in society.
Commenting on the MAD group Blatter said, "Michel and I have often wondered why there's so little corruption in today's modern society and why certain logical decisions are made, while illogical ones are ignored."
"At FIFA and UEFA we embrace mental, illogical and irrational decisions on a daily basis, or we try to ignore tough decisions by making stupid ones. Take the ban on snoods as a classic example, when we were getting pressure to install goal-line technology."
Despite the mentalness of both Mr Blatter and Platini, MAD failed to gather any momentum as a true organisation for the corrupt and illogical.
Commenting on this Platini said, "Both myself and Sepp are very corrupt individuals, but corruption can only go so far in footballing organisations. If we had our own way then we would persecute the English on a regular basis, but unfortunately we can't. That's why we need really corrupt people who are in charge of entire countries."
After realising this need for corrupt leaders of countries, Blatter and Platini extended an invitation to Colonel Gaddafi.
Blatter said, "Colonel Gaddafi had all the attributions required to be a member of MAD. His irrational behaviour is something that we can both identify with and felt he was the missing link that the Mental Arrogant Dictators needed."
Since Colonel Gaddafi joined MAD, it has been announced that Libya will host the 2026 World Cup and the 2020 European Championships. It has also been revealed that FIFA HQ has become the third biggest holder of oil in the World.
The group was the brainchild of Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini who found it difficult to accept the lack of corruption and irrational decision making in society.
Commenting on the MAD group Blatter said, "Michel and I have often wondered why there's so little corruption in today's modern society and why certain logical decisions are made, while illogical ones are ignored."
"At FIFA and UEFA we embrace mental, illogical and irrational decisions on a daily basis, or we try to ignore tough decisions by making stupid ones. Take the ban on snoods as a classic example, when we were getting pressure to install goal-line technology."
Despite the mentalness of both Mr Blatter and Platini, MAD failed to gather any momentum as a true organisation for the corrupt and illogical.
Commenting on this Platini said, "Both myself and Sepp are very corrupt individuals, but corruption can only go so far in footballing organisations. If we had our own way then we would persecute the English on a regular basis, but unfortunately we can't. That's why we need really corrupt people who are in charge of entire countries."
After realising this need for corrupt leaders of countries, Blatter and Platini extended an invitation to Colonel Gaddafi.
Blatter said, "Colonel Gaddafi had all the attributions required to be a member of MAD. His irrational behaviour is something that we can both identify with and felt he was the missing link that the Mental Arrogant Dictators needed."
Since Colonel Gaddafi joined MAD, it has been announced that Libya will host the 2026 World Cup and the 2020 European Championships. It has also been revealed that FIFA HQ has become the third biggest holder of oil in the World.
Sunday 13 March 2011
WHY?! News: A 24 hour news studio
Who cares about real news? It's all about soap stars and who Jordan's shagging.
Int. A 24 hour news studio.
Anchorman: The breaking news story from earlier today is that [massive soap star] has quit her role in the hit soap [whatever]. The decision has left the shows fans in disarray, with some even flocking to the studios to pay tribute to the greatest soap actor of her generation, who has never appeared in any kind of feature film, while others sat at home and wept for hours. High praise has been flooding in from all corners of the entertainment world, praising her loyalty and wishing her all the best for the future.....I'm sorry, look, is this really news? Who cares about this rubbish? It's such inane nonsense....ok ok...[soap actress] has revealed she doesn't know what the future holds for her, but she is hoping that she will enjoy the next step as much as her last....in other news North Korea has stepped up its nuclear weapons testing and is massing troops along its border with South Korea, mounting fears that nuclear Armageddon is only days away...of course if that nuclear Armageddon does happen, we will have live and exclusive coverage right here on WHY News.
Int. A 24 hour news studio.
Anchorman: The breaking news story from earlier today is that [massive soap star] has quit her role in the hit soap [whatever]. The decision has left the shows fans in disarray, with some even flocking to the studios to pay tribute to the greatest soap actor of her generation, who has never appeared in any kind of feature film, while others sat at home and wept for hours. High praise has been flooding in from all corners of the entertainment world, praising her loyalty and wishing her all the best for the future.....I'm sorry, look, is this really news? Who cares about this rubbish? It's such inane nonsense....ok ok...[soap actress] has revealed she doesn't know what the future holds for her, but she is hoping that she will enjoy the next step as much as her last....in other news North Korea has stepped up its nuclear weapons testing and is massing troops along its border with South Korea, mounting fears that nuclear Armageddon is only days away...of course if that nuclear Armageddon does happen, we will have live and exclusive coverage right here on WHY News.
Friday 11 March 2011
Britain's Recession Worsens Due To Demanding Charity Runners
Fresh governmental figures released today have revealed that Britain's economical plight shows no sign of easing, and has in fact been getting steadily worse since the turn of the year.
However, the finger of blame is surprisingly not pointing at greedy, shameless, rapist bankers, but rather at normal, every day people undertaking feats of endurance for charity. It would appear that every British citizen has been inundated with requests for money from friends running various distances for good causes, placing huge demands on already strained finances, thus pushing the British public into financial oblivion.
The figures reveal that the average British person knows at least three people running the London Marathon, four other people running other, less glamorous marathons, twenty women running Race For Life and thirty two people running shameful half marathons and 5-10K races. On average, this is costing each individual Briton around £300, while those 'ceeerrrraaaaazy' people who are so fucking popular and have so many fucking friends have been forced to take out bank loans running into hundreds of thousands of pounds in order to maintain their level of popularity.
As such, huddled families shivering in darkened homes due to unpaid bills has become a common sight in British towns and cities. All the while, an army of incredibly healthy charity do-gooders pound the streets, stuffing money into their leggings as they go. The general consensus, though, is that we shouldn't complain. If we complain, then we hate charity. This, then, naturally means that we don't sympathise with cruelty to children, that we are dismissive of homeless people, that we condone fatal diseases of all kinds, that we believe people suffering in third world countries and the victims of foreign natural disasters should just fend for themselves. And this is just the start, there are quite a lot of them out there, in case you hadn't noticed.
However, the finger of blame is surprisingly not pointing at greedy, shameless, rapist bankers, but rather at normal, every day people undertaking feats of endurance for charity. It would appear that every British citizen has been inundated with requests for money from friends running various distances for good causes, placing huge demands on already strained finances, thus pushing the British public into financial oblivion.
The figures reveal that the average British person knows at least three people running the London Marathon, four other people running other, less glamorous marathons, twenty women running Race For Life and thirty two people running shameful half marathons and 5-10K races. On average, this is costing each individual Briton around £300, while those 'ceeerrrraaaaazy' people who are so fucking popular and have so many fucking friends have been forced to take out bank loans running into hundreds of thousands of pounds in order to maintain their level of popularity.
As such, huddled families shivering in darkened homes due to unpaid bills has become a common sight in British towns and cities. All the while, an army of incredibly healthy charity do-gooders pound the streets, stuffing money into their leggings as they go. The general consensus, though, is that we shouldn't complain. If we complain, then we hate charity. This, then, naturally means that we don't sympathise with cruelty to children, that we are dismissive of homeless people, that we condone fatal diseases of all kinds, that we believe people suffering in third world countries and the victims of foreign natural disasters should just fend for themselves. And this is just the start, there are quite a lot of them out there, in case you hadn't noticed.
Girlfriend stopwatch - Sketch 4
Int. A man and woman are standing on a tube. The man catches the attention of the woman.
Man: I like your bag. Louis Vutton?
Woman: Yeah, I thought I would splash the cash a bit and get something nice for myself.
Man: I could tell it was, I thought you looked like a classy girl.
Woman (blushing): Aww, thanks, that’s really sweet. My boyfriend (countdown starts) thought I was crazy to spend so much on a bag, but I just ignored him. Sorry what’s your name?
Man (looking visibly disappointed and annoyed): It doesn’t matter (man turns his back on the woman. Woman looks confused).
Man: I like your bag. Louis Vutton?
Woman: Yeah, I thought I would splash the cash a bit and get something nice for myself.
Man: I could tell it was, I thought you looked like a classy girl.
Woman (blushing): Aww, thanks, that’s really sweet. My boyfriend (countdown starts) thought I was crazy to spend so much on a bag, but I just ignored him. Sorry what’s your name?
Man (looking visibly disappointed and annoyed): It doesn’t matter (man turns his back on the woman. Woman looks confused).
Wednesday 9 March 2011
William Hague gatecrashes Libyan embassy party
Foreign secretary William Hague has gate-crashed a party despite being invited by the Libyan embassy.
Instead of entering the party through the entrance and showing his invite to security, Mr Hague decided to hire a crack team of SAS specialists to help him break in.
However, the break-in didn't go to plan, as secruity caught the team after discovering a suspicious group of men trying to invade the premises.
Once caught the foreign secretary tried to reason with security and the Libyan embassy by claiming he was invited to the event, but they rejected this claim and ordered him and his team to leave. Overall the mission was a complete and utter fuck up.
A spokesperson from the Libyan embassy said, "I don't know why Mr Hague decided to embark on this mission to try and infriltrate our premises. He was invited to the event, there was no need to invade. We would have welcomed him with open arms!"
Other MPs have started to questions Mr Hague's judgment on attending parties and accepting invites. One MP said, "I certainly will not be inviting him to my 50th - I don't want a group of SAS men trying to invade my party."
William Hague has been asked to respond on the failed mission but was too busy being trapped in a closest to comment.
Instead of entering the party through the entrance and showing his invite to security, Mr Hague decided to hire a crack team of SAS specialists to help him break in.
However, the break-in didn't go to plan, as secruity caught the team after discovering a suspicious group of men trying to invade the premises.
Once caught the foreign secretary tried to reason with security and the Libyan embassy by claiming he was invited to the event, but they rejected this claim and ordered him and his team to leave. Overall the mission was a complete and utter fuck up.
A spokesperson from the Libyan embassy said, "I don't know why Mr Hague decided to embark on this mission to try and infriltrate our premises. He was invited to the event, there was no need to invade. We would have welcomed him with open arms!"
Other MPs have started to questions Mr Hague's judgment on attending parties and accepting invites. One MP said, "I certainly will not be inviting him to my 50th - I don't want a group of SAS men trying to invade my party."
William Hague has been asked to respond on the failed mission but was too busy being trapped in a closest to comment.
Thursday 3 March 2011
Colonel Gaddafi and Charlie Sheen to form unholy alliance
Future mental health patients Colonel Gaddafi and Charlie Sheen have formed an unholy alliance against all of their enemies.
Both men have been getting a lot of negative publicity so decided to form the alliance after becoming friends on Facebook.
The pair are set to meet this week in Libya to iron out the terms of their alliance and how they intend to destroy their enemies.
Rumours are already rife at what the terms will be, with many believing that Colonel Gaddafi will help Charlie Sheen in his fight against his ex-wife, while Charlie Sheen will help the Libyan leader in his fight against rebels in his country and the west.
Trying to explain the alliance Colonel Gaddafi claimed that both him and Charlie were "kindred spirits" who are "trying to keep it real" in a dishonest and corrupt society, and that "everyone loves them."
In another rambling speech Colonel Gaddafi also claimed that both him and Mr Sheen have "magnetic charismas" that makes them hits with the ladies.
He said, "Me and Charlie have many wives and girlfriends - it would be wrong for both of us to be faithful to just one woman. We have so much love to give."
Colonel Gaddafi and Charlie Sheen are also set to sign a deal for a new sitcom to be broadcast on Libyan TV called "Two and Half Friends" referring to the amount of people that actually like them after the past month.
Both men have been getting a lot of negative publicity so decided to form the alliance after becoming friends on Facebook.
The pair are set to meet this week in Libya to iron out the terms of their alliance and how they intend to destroy their enemies.
Rumours are already rife at what the terms will be, with many believing that Colonel Gaddafi will help Charlie Sheen in his fight against his ex-wife, while Charlie Sheen will help the Libyan leader in his fight against rebels in his country and the west.
Trying to explain the alliance Colonel Gaddafi claimed that both him and Charlie were "kindred spirits" who are "trying to keep it real" in a dishonest and corrupt society, and that "everyone loves them."
In another rambling speech Colonel Gaddafi also claimed that both him and Mr Sheen have "magnetic charismas" that makes them hits with the ladies.
He said, "Me and Charlie have many wives and girlfriends - it would be wrong for both of us to be faithful to just one woman. We have so much love to give."
Colonel Gaddafi and Charlie Sheen are also set to sign a deal for a new sitcom to be broadcast on Libyan TV called "Two and Half Friends" referring to the amount of people that actually like them after the past month.
The Art Critics: Sketch One
Int. In an art gallery. Two men dressed in three piece suits are staring intently at a shit on the floor. They start to make making groaning noises of pleasure, satisfaction and awe.
Man 1: It’s just so profound, it says more than a thousand words ever could.
The other man groans pleasurably in agreement.
Man 2: It really sums up the degradation of our comprehensive schools.
Man 1 gets down on his knees for a better angle. Man 2 mimics his actions. They continue to groan with delight. Man 2 leans in and smells the shit. He groans orgasmically. Man 1 does the same. Another person walks past behind them and looks confused by their actions.
Man 3: It’s shit, mate
Man 3 then immediately walks away. Man 1 and Man 2 tut disapprovingly to one another.
Man 1: Some just don’t get art, do they?
Man 2 groans in agreement.
Man 1: It’s just so profound, it says more than a thousand words ever could.
The other man groans pleasurably in agreement.
Man 2: It really sums up the degradation of our comprehensive schools.
Man 1 gets down on his knees for a better angle. Man 2 mimics his actions. They continue to groan with delight. Man 2 leans in and smells the shit. He groans orgasmically. Man 1 does the same. Another person walks past behind them and looks confused by their actions.
Man 3: It’s shit, mate
Man 3 then immediately walks away. Man 1 and Man 2 tut disapprovingly to one another.
Man 1: Some just don’t get art, do they?
Man 2 groans in agreement.
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