Monday 2 May 2011

Jack Bauer kills bin Laden in 24 hour mission

It has been revealed that the man behind bin Laden's death is none other than former CIA operative Jack Bauer.

Mr Bauer, who is well-known for completing any mission that could affect the security of the country within 24 hours, did the same during the bin Laden mission and even had time to disappear into the wilderness of the Pakistan mountains where he will remain until the next series.

Barack Obama chose Jack Bauer due to his good relationship with the first black President David Palmer and felt this natural black and white chemistry could be replicated in the bin Laden mission.

At first Mr Bauer was uneasy about coming back to work for the government but was convinced to return within the first two hours of the 24 hour operation if the White House offered two goats he could use in the Pakistan mountains.

After being convinced to take part in the operation, Jack Bauer went into Osama bin Laden's compound alone and unarmed, taking out all of the al-Qaeda leader's men with his bare hands before strangling bin Laden with his beard. This was after Bauer's wife had been raped by Al-Qaeda, son kidnapped by bin Laden, daughter married to one of bin Laden's sons and father revealed to be a Al-Qaeda sypmathiser that had double-crossed the US government, all in the space of 24 hours.

An inside source, "We made it look like the work of America through the unnecessary bombing and subsequent explosion of the compound but really it was all Bauer's work."

President Obama and the CIA were said to be extremely pleased with Bauer's handiwork and urged him to go on more 24 hour missions in Iran, North Korea, Afghanistan, Canada and Mexico.

If the US government is unable to use Bauer in future missions, reports indicate they will call upon Chuck Norris who is able to kick bullets into the heads of his enemies.

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