David Cameron has offered his specialist advise to Sir Alex Ferguson after Manchester United's humbling defeat to Manchester City.
The Prime Minister has advised Sir Alex to provide a kneejerk reaction to the incident, similar to the Coalition government's stance against the rioters in August.
Speaking in the Daily Mail, Mr Cameron said, "Much like how we dealt with the rioters, Sir Alex must seek an appropriate scapegoat to blame for the awful mess. I have drawn up a list which includes Anderson, Evans, Ferdinand and Evra."
"My personal recommendation would be Rio Ferdinand as he comes from a single parent background and was brought up on a council estate."
He continues, "My next step would be to make the entire Manchester United squad work double shifts and not be allowed holiday, just like we did with the police, with the similar threat of chronic cuts in the next few months."
"Once Sir Alex has annoyed his players, I would then do insincere photocalls to prove that both you and them are all in this together. This will gain popularity from the public and cement his position as a great leader of men."
David Cameron's advice has been echoed in numerous football forums with "fans" offering similar kneejerk responses. One fan called RedKev69 said: "Fergies lost it. He dsnt kno wot hes doin. He needs to go b4 he ruins da club I luv."
While another, StretfordSteve69, said: "We need to do away with da hole squad. Every1 needs to go. Esp da midfield and defense. Phil Jones is shit. I knw I said he woz da nxt Duncan Edwards a few wks ago, but hes not, hes shit."
Operation Kneejerk seems to be gathering momentum within the Old Trafford faithful, with many stating that the "tide is turning" and they need to "do something quick" before Manchester City win the Premier League, the Champions League, the FA Cup, the League Cup, the Europa League, the European Cup Winners Cup, the European Super Cup, the World Club Cup, the Johnstone's Paint Trophy, the FA Trophy and the Anglo-Italian Cup, before raping their wives and abusing their children.
No comments:
Post a Comment