Manchester United's 19th Title Win Causes Celebrations Across UK

Wild celebrations have erupted across the UK following Manchester United's record breaking 19th top flight title victory. Wayne Rooney's second half penalty earned United the requisite point needed to win the league, and fans up and down the country have taken to streets to celebrate - from the Isle of Wight to Inverness, from Kent to Cardiff.

Andrew, 25, from West Sussex (approx. 250 miles from Manchester) claimed; "I can't believe this, it's really nice. It's so difficult being a United fan, it's so tough watching us win trophy after trophy, year after year. It's really frustrating on those rare occasions when things don't go to plan and we lose. I sometimes wish I could support Newcastle or Leeds to save myself the hurt that comes with being a United fan. Last year, when we won nothing, I nearly killed myself because I was so ashamed and disgusted to support a team with no glory, but now we're good again so I'm happy."

Jamal, 23, from Essex (approx. 240 miles from Manchester) wept; "I've waited all my life for this moment, and now it's finally here. I started supporting United in the dark, trophy-less days of 1995 when we had only won a pathetic 9 titles, had only won one double, no treble and when we had a terrible squad and our manager wasn't even a Knight. It took a lot of guts to start supporting such a terrible, woeful team in free fall and with no prospects for the future. But now, now we're the best again and I'm quite pleased."

Gregory, 19, from Cornwall (approx. 330 miles from Manchester) screamed; "I have United running through my veins, it's in my blood. My hairdresser's Uncle was a United fan, and I once met Gary Pallister in a motorway service station, so I was born to be United. I've been to Old Trafford twice as well, once to do the stadium tour and once for an actual game, so this just means the world to me."

These tear soaked, emotion strained words coming from United fans all across the country have only further strengthened the British Media's intention to confirm United as an actual religion. In fact, SKY have now announced a 35 part series called 'The Ferguson Years' which has a total running time of 847 hours, which is coincidentally the amount of time that has been added on in matches in which Manchester United are not winning over the last two years. It is expected that sales of Kleenex will sky rocket when the series commences in the summer.

The United squad, however, are now focusing on their celebrations for the evening. Someone who may or may not be Ryan Giggs is rumoured to be leading the rest of the squad on a night out in Manchester on the hunt for women who may or may not be former Big Brother contestants and/or glamour models.