Facebook Spies Take Leave Due To Snow Updates

The multi-billion dollar spying network known as 'Facebook' is reported to have sent home as much as 97% of its workforce today, maintaining a skeleton crew to keep the website ticking over, as all everyone on the website is talking about is the snow.

A disappointed insider sighed 'when Facebook is running under normal conditions everyone in our network will happily share every single boring and mundane detail about their life. We don't even need to pressure them, it's just natural human behaviour to take a picture of your dinner and upload it, to take a 'wacky' photo of yourself wearing 3D glasses in the cinema and to post a thousand check-ins on your Saturday night out with all your friends tagged in so that everyone knows that you're out and that you have friends. People like to show off in public, even if it means going on Facebook during an apparently amazing night out. Obviously, we've been storing all of this information for years and selling it on to other relevant companies for use in targeted advertising.'

As tears started to well up in the insider's eyes, he or she continued; 'but as soon as it starts snowing everything changes. Everyone rushes to their computer or laptop, or grabs their phone in order to write a status update that it is indeed snowing outside, just so that everyone knows. Before long, this snowballs and news feeds everywhere are blanketed in a blizzard of snow related updates. There's nothing sadder than seeing the words "316 of your friends have commented about the snow". This is then followed by a flurry of photos of houses, back gardens and parks covered in snow, by people doing snow angels, by pictures of snowball fights and giant snow penises. It's the same every winter; it was nice the first time, but now it's hurting us, emotionally and financially. We can't sell that kind of information! It's just not fair!'

The insider soon cheered up, however, when he learned that the snow was starting to thaw, that normal service would resume and that the spies would be returning in a day or so to monitor the lives of Facebook users posting updates about things as boring as - snow.