Doctors seek cure for 'Chav Tourettes'

Doctors across the UK are desperately seeking a cure for 'Chav Tourettes' after a monumental rise in the illness.

'Chav Tourettes' take many forms with the most popular being the "shout out of my shit car at random passers-by" form of tourettes. These random passers-by could be people simply going for a jog trying to keep fit or girls just trying to get from A to B.

One Doctor heavily involved in the research explains:
"'Chavs Tourettes' is an unfortunate illness that takes over the lives of many chavs on a daily basis. The most common form of chav tourettes comes from inside their unimpressive 'blinged-up' motors when they see people jogging. For some reason the thought of people keeping fit really angers chavs and this manifests itself in chav tourettes as they have no control over making a random noise which sounds a lot like the word 'wanker.'"

He continues:
"Anger is often a cause of 'Chav Tourettes.' Anger with others, their lives, who they are as people or just anger in general, which causes chavs to make these uncontrollable noises. However, other triggers such as sexual arousal can also create a form of 'Chav Tourettes.' For example when a random female walks past minding her own business, they cannot control blurting out some derogatory word, phrase or sentence."

Other than normal social situations, another main cause of 'Chav Tourettes' was shown to happen during football matches when a member of the opposition team dares to tackle or even touch them.

The Doctor explains:
"On the football pitch chavs are often at their most aggressive with this being where the most aggressive forms of 'Chav Tourettes' comes out. Unfortunately the slightest touch from the opposition sets off the 'Chav Tourettes' with those inflicted with the illness threatening to 'stab' or 'knock out' whoever touched them."

The UK government has funded research into 'Chav Tourettes' to deal with doctors are working around the clock to find a cure. To aid the research the Jeremy Kyle Show has recently donated 10 of its finest chavs for the benefit of medical research into the illness.