Legendary leathery Lothario Mick Jagger has announced that he is changing his iconic surname in the wake of two dirge songs achieving chart success with the classic formula of being absolutely appalling. Unfortunately for Sir Mick, both of those songs bore his name in the title, something that has forced the Rolling Stones singer to distance himself from music of such poor quality.
X-Factor also-ran Cher Lloyd released the her debut single 'Swagger Jagger', which topped the UK Singles Chart. Seriously. No, seriously, it did. While not explicitly referring to Sir Mick himself, the snake hipped Stone admitted that he was distressed that people would think he had something to do with the song.
Jagger is quoted as saying; 'obviously when my name was mentioned I wasn't happy, primarily because no one really knows what a 'Swagger Jagger' is, so they just associate it with me, which actually made me vom non-stop for 37 hours. I was most upset.'
Sadly for Sir Mick, Maroon 5 and Christina Aguilera also released their duet this summer, titled 'Moves Like Jagger'. Unlike Cher Lloyd's effort, this song explicitly references Jagger himself. This time, Jagger was despondent;
'Don't get me wrong, the song is kinda catchy and all, but don't people listen to lyrics anymore? It's utter shit, and no one has moves like me, I'm Mick Fucking Jagger, Maroon 5 need to check with me before putting out crap like this with my name on it! I chundered hard for 52 and a half consecutive hours.'
Luckily for Mick, his summer of misery has come to an end with the onset of Autumn, but he is taking no risks of a repeat, whatever the season. The artist formerly known as Jagger admitted; 'the experience of this summer has left me shaken, so I'm changing my surname by deed poll. From now on I will be called Mick David Cameron-Clegg. That name is already smeared with shit, and no one in their right mind is going to write a song about those two losers. Plus, it only costs £13.39, this gives me huge satisfaction.'
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