The tawdry affair of Ryan Giggs' private life took a shocking revelation last night when it was revealed that the Manchester United midfielder was the first man to discover life on Mars during the summer of 2009. Unsurprisingly, though, this feat has been tarnished by the simultaneous revelation that Giggs then partook in a string of sexual affairs with numerous Martian females.
It is unclear how long Giggs worked on his Mars project before landing on the Red Planet, but it is apparent that when the 2008/09 Barclay's Premiership season came to an end, Giggs hopped into his home made space shuttle, sponsored by Reebok, and blasted off into outer space.
Upon his arrival Giggs immediately sought out the hottest Martian nightclubs, impressing all females he encountered immediately with his stories about being the greatest human being on Earth, alive or dead. It is understood that Giggs then started the first five of his twenty-seven sexual affairs that very night, with all of the left footed lothario's love victims being described as 'ridic hot Martain crumpet' with 'tight, if not slightly slimey bodies.' It is understood that Giggs did not judge the Martians for their slimey bodies, as they did not judge him for his.
Worst of all, though, is the news that Giggs fathered 14 hybrid children, with 5 different mothers involved, each unaware of the existence of the other mothers and children. It is understood, though, that each of the five Martian females are willing to stand by their man and his vast fortune, along with his Earthling female wife, and his brother's wife. Imogen and all of the other Earthling females he bedded are over him, though.
Meanwhile, it is understood that the Welsh FA are investigating the legitimacy of Giggs' bastard Martian offspring playing for the Welsh national side as they are beyond desperate for decent players, but it is believed that they would prefer to play for the Republic of Ireland.
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