Ian i-phone

Here's one of our sketches we wrote about 9 months ago. It's about a man called Ian, who just loves his i-phone. Ian is one of those typical young professionals working in London in something like sales or marketing, who likes to let everyone around him know that he has an i-phone. This would be through playing with it when talking to people or just looking at his i-phone the whole time during a meeting at work. It also tries to poke fun at people's obsession with something that is essentially just a bit of technology. P.S. Jack knows someone called Ian that has an i-phone - this is not about him. I like him.


Ext. On a train platform. A crowd of people are waiting for the train to arrive. Ian is having a normal conversation with someone in the crowd.

IAN
Sorry I just need to say something.

Ian gets out a megaphone and stands on a nearby bench.

IAN
I'd just like to say that I, Ian, have an i-phone. (Gets out i-phone) Look at it! Isn't it amazing? God, you're all such knobs. I'm definitely a lot cooler than everyone here, unless you have an i-phone too, but I’ve probably got more apps, so I'm still cooler. If you don't get one then you'll continue to be a knob and feel worthless. You're all fucking pathetic. You there, show me your phone. Look at it, it’s pathetic. You are a pathetic man. I’m going to take a picture of my dick and send it to your wife to show her what a real man looks like. You’re all boring me now with your shit phones, so I'm going to play with my i-phone and send tweets about how many knobs there are at the train station. Don’t disturb me!

Puts away megaphone and gets down from the bench returning to his friend in the crowd.

IAN
Sorry about that mate, you were saying........