The movie studio 20th Century Fox have had to make an embarrassing admission today in the wake of a third night of rioting in London. The studio's new movie, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, a film about artificially enhanced apes running amok around a city, which is released nationwide in cinemas on August 11th 2011 in 2D because 3D is terrible, has been confirmed as the official reason for the shambolic, disgraceful scenes spreading across our capital city.
A spokesperson for 20th Century Fox claimed; 'as a studio we really wanted to support this film in a unique way, so for the UK release we decided to stage a couple of localised re-enactments from the film in different locations in London. We had classically trained actors in ape suits pretending to go on a bit of rampage in the streets taking down humanity. It was all in good spirits.'
It would appear, though, that the organisers did not take into account the sheer stupidity of the moronic, mindless, idiotic element of British society. Upon seeing the ape men in the midst of a riot, large groups of fuckwits with masked faces simply presumed that animals of a similar intellect were simply kicking off for no reason, which is always the best reason for a riot. Naturally, they all decided to join in, and before long shop, bank and restaurant windows were being smashed at will and buildings were being torched.
The 20th Century Fox spokesman continued; 'we just didn't realise that London actually had such a large population of absolute scumbag degenerates so willing to run around the streets like animals just smashing up their own city and making their fellow human being's lives a fearful hell. We didn't actually think that in the 21st Century these Neanderthal people still existed in such force. We heard that some of these parasites actually stood around the fires they had started beating their chests and shrieking at the moon.'
It is believed that those in power at 20th Century Fox felt compelled to make the admission after cringing so much at the reasoning that the continued riots were about social disaffection. One nameless insider is quoted as saying 'social disaffection does not equate to stealing iPads from PC World, Nike Air Max from JD Sports and a few Fred Perry tops from Debenhams, and then blowing them up. Smashing windows and setting fire to family run businesses does not make for a revolution; it just makes for a country being shamed and embarrassed by how many utterly moronic, cretinous twats we have living in our streets.'
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