Research shows all men who wear beer t-shirts have small penises

It has been revealed that men who wear t-shirts which indicate how proud they are at being able to drink a lot actually have very small penises.

The research conducted by RETARD (REsearchers of Twats And Real Dicks) carried out the study into men who wear t-shirts boasting about their drinking habits and whether this has a direct correlation with their penis size.

The results were interesting, with those who wear these t-shirts on a regular basis or at social events having far smaller penises than the average male.

Dr Luther Borthwick, the head researcher at RETARD, said, "We found that there were two types of men that wear t-shirts boasting about their relationship with alcohol and how much they can drink - Geeks and Geezers."

"Geeks tend to wear a black t-shirt which boasts about how much they can drink, however, this tends to be through a sci-fi or fantasy reference. They also tend to be dressed all in black, have a large beer belly, beard and a hat. The hat is a vital part of the outfit."

"The type of geezer that wears these sort of t-shirts is usually the 'runt of the litter' within the geezer group. He will find it hard to compete with his fellow geezers' boasts about how much they can drink so chooses to buy a t-shirt to prove it instead."

The researchers concluded that there is an obvious need for men with small penises to hide their manhood size with idle boasts about how much they can drink. T-shirts which express these boasts with a clear or 'humorous' statement seek to reaffirm these boasts.

In our own independent research we asked a man wearing a t-shirt with the statement 'This is my drinking t-shirt and I wear it everyday!' whether he had a small penis. The man reacted in a threatening manner before challenging us to a beer drinking contest to officially show who was more of a man.