Ext. A suburban street. Two middle class men are going door to door, in smart suits and with slick hair. They walk down the short garden path towards one house. One of them pulls out a handkerchief and pushes the doorbell while covering his finger, all the while pulling a disgusted face. They both laugh together. An old lady answers the door and greets them.
Henry: Hello there Madame, my name is Henry and this is my good friend Thomas, and we represent the charity WEHELPWANKERS (shows business card).
Thomas: Yes that’s right, Madame, we are here to ask for your help for some very needy individuals. You see, Madame, my friend Henry and I work in the city, the City of London that is, in case you didn't know, but we have fallen on particularly hard times.
Henry: Indeed we have. We have been denied our bonus this year because we rather cheekily lost millions of innocent customers all of their money through reckless business decisions, or some such. I don't really know what it is we did wrong to be honest, I don't even think we did anything wrong, but either way, we aren't getting quite as much money as we thought we would.
Thomas: This is a very serious situation, Madame, because Henry and I have a very expensive cocaine habit to maintain, as well eating at award winning restaurants and drinking bottle after bottle of fine, imported port at numerous swanky bars in Soho before buying our way out of trouble after battering a stripper or two.
Henry: Not to mention our four day "business" trip to Thailand where we plan to lock ourselves in a hotel room with 200 bottles of champagne, 5 hookers, 5 ladyboys, 20 ounces of coke and just enough crack to see us through without overdosing, you know how it is I'm sure, Madame.
Thomas: As it stands this trip will just have to be charged to the company, but we know everyone is a bit on edge at the moment for some reason, so we are trying to raise funds for it ourselves, so if you could give generously we would appreciate it greatly.
The old lady disappears briefly and returns with a £5 note and hands it over.
Lady: I'm terribly sorry, but that's all I have at the moment, I don't get my pension until Wednesday.
The two men look at each other in disgust.
Henry: Is this all you've got?
Lady: Why, yes!
Henry: Fuck this, I told you this street was too poor, come on let's try another.
The £5 note is thrown down to the floor in disgust and they both walk away, kicking at flowers and flower pots in the garden on the way. They both start to giggle and push at each other and then down the street together.
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