Unhappiness To Be Classed As A Disease

In a surprise move, The British Medical Association has today classified Unhappiness as a disease. This move makes Unhappiness the biggest danger to human life across the globe, except for areas effected by drought, famine and the onslaught of natural disasters, as those people have real problems to worry about.

The BMA has outlined a number of the symptoms of Unhappiness, and has urged the public to be vigilant and observant to help prevent any related deaths. The most common symptom is huffing or sighing dramatically in order to draw attention to oneself. Furthermore, when the attention of a bystander is gained, if they are to ask 'what's the matter?', a deeply unhappy person will say 'nothing, I'm fine', before sighing again, in an even more dramatic fashion.

Such actions should be treated immediately. In this sort of severe case an ambulance should be called for without delay. However, other such symptoms that would only require a rush to A & E include slamming objects down on hard surfaces and then looking around to see if anyone is looking (this action can be repeated many times until someone asks if 'everything is all right'), doodling, pouting, sitting in a darkened room listening to dubstep, looking out of windows in a wistful manner and walking very slowly through a room full of people with hunched shoulders and a pout..while sighing repeatedly...until someone asks if 'everything is all right?'

Thankfully, though, asking that very question is Phase One of the treatment for Unhappiness. The full title of the treatment is 'Attention', taken from the Latin term 'please shower me with love and praise because something didn't go my way and now I'm sad - I've got a knife.' When any of the aforementioned symptoms are noted, any member of the public can approach the unhappy looking individual and then just shower them with attention, boost their ego and then be on their way, leaving the once unhappy person to think 'why the hell was I so upset about something so small, petty and insignificant for? Why am I such an attention seeking dick?'