Fresh governmental figures released today have revealed that Britain's economical plight shows no sign of easing, and has in fact been getting steadily worse since the turn of the year.
However, the finger of blame is surprisingly not pointing at greedy, shameless, rapist bankers, but rather at normal, every day people undertaking feats of endurance for charity. It would appear that every British citizen has been inundated with requests for money from friends running various distances for good causes, placing huge demands on already strained finances, thus pushing the British public into financial oblivion.
The figures reveal that the average British person knows at least three people running the London Marathon, four other people running other, less glamorous marathons, twenty women running Race For Life and thirty two people running shameful half marathons and 5-10K races. On average, this is costing each individual Briton around £300, while those 'ceeerrrraaaaazy' people who are so fucking popular and have so many fucking friends have been forced to take out bank loans running into hundreds of thousands of pounds in order to maintain their level of popularity.
As such, huddled families shivering in darkened homes due to unpaid bills has become a common sight in British towns and cities. All the while, an army of incredibly healthy charity do-gooders pound the streets, stuffing money into their leggings as they go. The general consensus, though, is that we shouldn't complain. If we complain, then we hate charity. This, then, naturally means that we don't sympathise with cruelty to children, that we are dismissive of homeless people, that we condone fatal diseases of all kinds, that we believe people suffering in third world countries and the victims of foreign natural disasters should just fend for themselves. And this is just the start, there are quite a lot of them out there, in case you hadn't noticed.
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