Part 2 of "What the Papers Say."
THE SUN (turning around and standing up from his seat): Shut it Daily Mirror! No one cares aboutyou anymore!
DAILY MIRROR moves to the front of the stage to confront THE SUN, both are standing up.
DAILY MIRROR: Of course they do, I'm the true voice of the people - the working class. The backbone of Britain!
THE SUN: What are you on about you mug? I'm more working class than you. I have true blue collar values.
DAILY MIRROR: Blue is definitely the word. Didn't you vote for Cameron?
THE SUN (defensive): He's alright for a posh boy.
DAILY MIRROR: You vote for the Tory scum and call yourself working class. You're 'avin' a laugh fella.
DAILY MAIL: (To DAILY MIRROR) Go away you silly socialist. For the past 13 years this country has been dragged into the gutter by an inefficient Labour government that has forgotten Britain's core values.
THE GUARDIAN: What are they? Hating immigrants and being racist, I presume?
DAILY MAIL: Oh, go and build a windfarm.
THE GUARDIAN: I would but all of your friends keep on stopping me.
DAILY MAIL: They're a blot on the landscape, that’s why no one wants them.
THE GUARDIAN and DAILY MAIL stand up to join THE SUN and
DAILY MIRROR. All four argue incoherently until the DAILY
EXPRESS walks onto stage from the left.
DAILY EXPRESS (shouting): DIANA? Oh Princess Diana!
All four turn around and look at the DAILY EXPRESS who's walking around confused in the background.
THE SUN: What is he going on about now?
DAILY MAIL: Princess Diana. He's still questioning her death.
THE GUARDIAN: Why can't he get over it?
DAILY EXPRESS walks up to DAILY MAIL.
DAILY MAIL (talking slowly and slightly louder): Are you ok?
DAILY EXPRESS: Diana is dead.
DAILY MAIL: Yes, yes, she is. It was a terrible tragedy.
DAILY EXPRESS: But she was so young, so innocent, so pure.
DAILY MAIL: She did sleep with a Muslim though.
DAILY EXPRESS (sudden anger): Muslims - there's so many!
THE GUARDIAN shakes her head and sighs.
DAILY MAIL: Yes I know.
DAILY MAIL pats DAILY EXPRESS on the back in a comforting manner.
THE GUARDIAN: Don't humour him with racism. You’re both disgusting!
DAILY MAIL: I'm not humouring him, I agree with him.
THE GUARDIAN: You can't be serious.
DAILY MAIL: I'm deadly serious. Immigration is out of control. It's a disgrace!
DAILY EXPRESS: It's a disgrace!
THE GUARDIAN: I can't believe I'm listening to this.
THE SUN: Well you better believe it love. We're making Britain great again. (Starts singing) RULE BRITTANIA! BRITTANIA RULES THE WAVES!
DAILY MIRROR: So you start singing a patriotic song about slaves and that makes you the voice of the people?
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