Saturday, 7 August 2010

Girlfriend Stopwatch #1

On the whole, men like girls. Men like girls far less when girls have a boyfriend. A man can pretend a girl is the most interesting, fascinating person in the world while he tinks she might be single and there is a tiny, insignificant chance that she will sleep with him; but as soon as the words "my boyfriend" pass over her lips, a light switches off and she loses about 80% of her appeal. Maybe 85%.


Int. Reception/lobby area of an office building. A man leaves the nearby toilets and heads towards the receptionist, smiling.

Man: Hi, how are you doing?

Receptionist: Not too bad thanks, just waiting for the day to end.

Man: Yeah I know what you mean. These winter days seem to drag what with it getting dark so early, and then the cold journey home too – it’s just no fun is it?

Receptionist: I know, it’s really horrible, but my boyfriend (a stopwatch appears in the bottom right hand corner of the screen and begins timing) makes it seem all the more bearable; he picks me up and drives me home, he puts the heating right up so it’s nice and warm for me when I get in, and he puts on my favourite CD, a bit of Westlife, and we go and pick up some dinner and sit down at a candlelit ta –

(Clock reads 0:11, stops)

Man: Listen love, do you think you could sort the toilet out in the gents, because I’ve done a massive shit and I’m pretty sure it’s really badly blocked? (Receptionist stays silent, looking shocked). I flushed it three times but it’s just not moving. Thanks for that petal (Man touches her hair with his hand which has a brown stain and some pieces of wet toilet roll stuck to it).

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